I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
