make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
