time to smoke my breakfast
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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