good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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