loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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