During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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