my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
