She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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