I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
