i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
