i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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