It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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