I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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