She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
