May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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