...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
