yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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