can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she told me i tasted like america
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
