I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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