it wasn't lemon gatorade
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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