You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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