u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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