Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
