I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
