Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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