I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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