And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
