oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
