He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Randomize
