Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
