so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
