my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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