Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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