this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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