your parents love me but you hate me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
