is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
