Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
