Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
