I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm at about main and main street
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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