He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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