I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
