In the future we'll all be gay
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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