There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
