put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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