erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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