I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
