I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
