I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
