Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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