So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
