We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
