My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
